You may have been wondering whether or not I would actually finish the story in time, considering that this time next week Ali and I will be married (or as I like to say, “Getting our marriage on”). Well have no fear, since I will be most certainly be away from the computer for a couple of weeks following the wedding (to attend to married things) I have nothing better to do this last weekend of singledom than to sit around and read and blog several posts in advance (oh and go to the Scream the Prayer tour tonight at the Door).
Anyway, when we left our story last, feelings were now out in the open, love had been discovered on an individual basis (as in we both realized we loved the other to some extent), but the relationship had not really advanced forward, although honestly, there was nothing capable of stopping it.
That is, except for me over-analyzing things.
Somewhere around mid-September (or probably just after Labor Day) I started worrying about where things were going and started thinking just a bit too much about whether or not I was making wise choices. Now I am all for thinking through your actions and actually making wise choices, but when you retreat into your own little mental world to sort that out instead of asking for outside advice and help…well things don’t always go so well.
This of course is a lesson I am fond of learning, so I keep repeating the process so I can learn it over and over again. I of course, am being facetious, but you get the point. By late September/early October though, Ali had gotten concerned from the un-explained drop off in communication and since we had made plans for her to come visit me in Dallas and check out Criswell College around mid-October, she thought she better touch base.
Originally we had planned for Ali to come out to visit over Labor Day weekend, but in gathering outside advice (always a good idea) we decided to wait until a later date. In the meantime, our communication had dropped off inexplicably, but in a certain sense, for Ali’s personal development this turned out to be a good thing. Nevertheless, she just wondered what the deal was. So I thought it would be best to offer a lame excuse and question her motives in coming to visit.
To which she let me have it.
Honestly I meant well, but I was wrong. I don’t even want to try to piece back together the tangled mess that was my head at that point, but just to give you a gist, here’s something I posted in a discussion board right around the time that Ali called:
Actually, it looks like the post isn’t available to see anymore. Such a shame, at least Ali did get to see it later in the spring. It was something about how I wondered if I would ever be able to commit to spending the rest of my life with the same person, or something to that effect (it was a Christian counseling course and a module on marriage and family). It was a really gem of honest musing about the idea of marriage, but didn’t really evidence very mature thinking on the topic.
Anyway, Ali blasted me for questioning her motives when I was the one who had encouraged her to come visit and that the ministry she was able to have with people in Orlando was more important than me, or something to that effect. So she wasn’t just going to drop everything and just fall for me, or in other words, she wasn’t obsessing over me, but was trying to keep her heart in the right place and felt like she was so far doing a good job. The bottom line was that it helped me to snap out of it and start thinking a little bit more clearly and to see that we both had pure motives in looking forward to her visitation.
So…a couple of weeks later Ali was on her way to Dallas. Early in the morning on a Tuesday, I was up at 5am or so as usual studying for a Hebrew quiz (don’t ask me why I opted to have a 745am Hebrew class for all of last school year). I sent Ali a text telling her that I was looking forward to her visit because she refreshed my soul. Ali go the message loud and clear, but I was still having a bit of trouble realizing what I myself was saying.
The next day (Wednesday), I woke up with a start. My top bunk looked out at the skyline and it was already morning evidenced by the sunlight reflecting off the skyline and into my blurry eyes. What came through clearly was that Ali would be here today. But then I remembered it was only Wednesday and she wasn’t supposed to fly out until Thursday. It was so clear though when I first woke up that I would see her that night I decided to not let it go. When we talked later that morning, I can’t remember how we got on the possibility of her coming a day early. I think I brought it up and she didn’t think it would work, but I ended the conversation with an eerily confident “I’ll see you tonight,” which she thought was highly unlikely.
Fast forward to about say 10pm or so, and I’m waiting at Love Field to pick up a rather flustered Ali. Her bags had gotten lost, but much like my premonition she was indeed here tonight. Bobby had let her off on Thursday and she was able to get all her ducks in a row to get out Wednesday afternoon (since she was flying with a Buddy Pass, she didn’t have a set ticket time, but could get on any open flight) and here she was after a horrendously long day and ready to get in the nearest bed as soon as possible.
After finding where Colleyville was (its just north of DFW, the other airport) and finding the friend of the family she was staying with, we parted ways, not particularly knowing what the weekend would hold in store, but somehow realizing some things would never quite be the same.
And then I got a speeding ticket.