I’ve gotta car at home to feed.
Oh we’re so quite and comfortable in our A –> B lives.
But our complacency won’t last much longer.
Although its rather easy to drift into that mode even here at seminary. Maybe if I didn’t have to actually live a semi-normal life and have a job and pay bills and get insurance, it might not be that bad.
But then I would just drift into self-absorption and just sit around the pool and read and write papers literally day.
Although I guess I do already do that on the weekends.
Oh self-absorption how easily you entangle me. I suppose that frames the battle more realistically.
“Its a fight between my heart and mind…no one really wins this time.”
Its a fight between being chiefly concerned with my own interests, or actually giving a _____ about other people.
I left it blank so you could fill in your choice of a word, not so I could avoid being crude.
Anyway, that’s probably the general stuggle, but at the same time, that just betrays a deeper struggle still.
For as John seems to make pretty clear, if there is a problem loving other people, that only points to a less than loving relationship with God which somehow connects even deeper still to actually knowing God.
Not memorizing God’s facebook mind you, or sitting down to dinner with Charnock’s “The Existence and Attributes of God.” (A nice little 1000pg tome for extended digestion).
Actually knowing God in a relational sense…the fountainhead of any real growth and change at the heart level.
Anything less apparently is just peripherally being involved in Christianity and knowing Christ from a distance but not actually knowing Him.
This is harder still when you realize your heart is sometimes nothing more than an idol factory, but then that is why we have a God whose “goodness like a fetter binds our wandering hearts to Thee.”
With a heart so apt to wander no wonder complacency is just around the corner.
How foolishly some might pray “Father save us from your followers,” when really the prayer that should leave our lips most ardently is “Father save us from ourselves!”
I’m finding more and more the problem is not without but within…the problem is me.
The only way to turn this thought vomit around is found in those two words.
Being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us though we were dead made us alive together with Christ…
…that Christ may dwell in our hearts through faith, so that, because we have been rooted and grounded in love, we might somehow be able to comprehend…and thus to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge so that we may be filled up to all the fullness of God!
To know that which surpasses knowledge…that’s what I want right now.
Demonstrated His own love for us, in that while we were still idolaters at heart, Christ died for us…
So that while our hearts still create idols, we now have a hope to rejoice in and a grace in which to stand obtained by faith in Christ..and this hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Don’t wanna leave this world knowing I preach in vain
Looked out for myself, so sorry so ashamed
Don’t wanna leave this life knowing I barely tried
Chased all my dreams that I can’t weigh on the inside
Live…I wanna live on fire
Die…I wanna burn out brighter
Brighter than the Northern lights
I wanna live to feel the daylight
The more I live I see
That this life’s not about me