This will probably be a short(er) one.
Not much has happened since the last update, things don’t really develop too fast in Knoxville.
It’s been good to be home, however, surprisingly enough I’m starting to get ready for the drive back.
That’s good at least, I was worried I would feel as ambivalent toward Dallas when it was time to drive home as I did when I left.
I guess time heals all wounds, although I wouldn’t say I was exactly wounded in Dallas.
I did though develop a bit of a heart condition over the last few years that finally came to head on the drive home from Dallas.
And by home of course I mean the drive to Tampa.
My heart had somehow been left in Florida, and I’ve been going back to retrieve for quite some time.
Not realizing though in doing so why it was left in Florida, but then it hit me somewhere between Shreveport and Baton Rouge.
Have I said all this before? I feel like I already blogged about this once.
Anyway, somewhere on southbound I-49, I realized that it was in Florida that my heart had really first been aligned to God’s, and in some way, I had left it there still aligned to His and gone off and done my own thing more or less.
So in going back, the only way to reconnect was to found out how I had lost sight of God’s heart.
This of course led to some soul searching, which led of course to some realizations which I won’t get quite into here, but all the lights slowly started coming back on and the trip to Florida began taking on more and more significance.
Once I got there, and got a good night’s sleep, the process of soul-bathing began.
The process is still continuing now as I awake from my narcissistic tendencies and become more and more aware of God’s presence and His heart, but I feel more alive now that my heart is back in my chest.
I found myself pouring over 1 John with renewed intensity and re-reading the Pleasures of God just to get a better glimpse of God’s heart and know what it means to show that you love Him.
I spent 15 minutes this afternoon trying to take pictures of spiderwebs in ivy while the sun slowly descended behind the line of houses to the west of us and the light hit just right.
I find myself breathing deeper and becoming more and more aware of when zone out and stop being fully present with whoever I am with.
I find myself more sensitive to where God may be leading me throughout the day and who He may put in path. It’s not that I don’t have an agenda anymore, but now I am becoming more and more willing to have it interrupted when the time comes.
I find when something strikes me as I dangerous and detrimental to spiritual growth I react accordingly, which is why The Shack created a burden in me to at least offer some Biblical insight in response to the ideas set forth in that book.
I know I mentioned I would list thoughts here after my last entry, but the full review of the book that I wrote up can be found here
Hopefully that is helpful in getting to the real issues the book presents, but let’s not digress too much here.
I’m starting to work through reading Visioneering by Andy Stanley and trying to recapture the vision I once had now that the eyes of my heart are slowly opening a bit more and voice is slowly returning as well.
Somehow both of those trailed off when I left Florida after I had finished 2nd year, and it took a few key events and long drive for God to get through to me and help me realize how far I’d gone.
Hopefully now, the drive back this Thursday will be even more productive and I can hit the ground running back in Dallas.
Watch out fall 2008, this time I’m actually gonna be there.